Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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