Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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