i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
