The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
