This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
