The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
