Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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