Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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