I wish I could punch you in the face.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
