I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
