I just made out with a guy for $7.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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