im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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