I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
