I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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