She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
