So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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