i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
