Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
