guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
jump out the window naked night went bad
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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