At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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