im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
