dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
