He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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