I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
