my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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