We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
