That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
