I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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