I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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