Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
