The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
