there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
