bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
