he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
