Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
