it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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