i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
