Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
