I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
