I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
