he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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