i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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