Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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