well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
