Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
