I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
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