dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
