Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
