Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
This is classic penis vs brain.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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