Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
