OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Need sex. Gaining weight.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
