So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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