i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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