How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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