i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
