I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
